Well, its October already! What happened to the first 3 quarters of the year. It been a rush thats for sure.

As you all know, I moved in with Paul. Funny, I never thought that would be the case 9 months ago. We have been together 7 months already! Wow. Its wonderful. We both manage to have our space, our alone time and yet, seem to look forward to the times we spend together. I feel blessed to say the least.

This whole blog started out as a way to get through dates and now, hmmm, I don't write. I guess I have nothing funny to say. I am blissful to say the least.

I promise to get back into the groove and write more...

M

nothing in particular

So its really been since the end of August. Wow. Well since then....

1. I am settled into my new place and won't be moving for quite sometime. Everyone is happy.
2. Beth's girls are pulling through -walking and talking. There are miracles that come about. If you don't recall, a classmate was shot last month and it wasn't known if the two young girls would make it. They too were shot. Of course, the recovery is going to be long but all and all its all good.
3. We are going Apple picking this weekend. Fall is upon us although one would never know with the temps at 90 plus and the humidity at close to a 100%. Just look at my hair.
4. I saw my brothers and nephews this past weekend. We get togethe so rarely. It really shouldn't be this way but everyone is busy. Including me.
5. I love living with Paul so far. Someone reminded me the other day, that I made a vow not to be alone for any more holidays - I guess the hard work paid off.
6. I miss you all...love you more.

Chele

Moving yet again!

I think in my next life I will be a professional packer/unpacker. I seem to be doing a lot of it. I have also gotten real good at leaving in transit. Never really unpack all my belongings. And everytime I move, I throw something away. Funny how that is and to think I just moved in May of this summer.

This is the biggest move in a very long time and though I am not leaving the state this time, I am moving in with Paul. Its been 14 years since I have lived with a man. While I am excited I am nervous. Granted we spend oodles of time together and I am sure it will be close to how we are now but it will be different. There will be compromises to be made and concessions to be had. Thats okay. I am ready. I am ready because I truly love this man with all my heart and soul. He is the missing beat. He holds my heart close to his chest and tries to protect me from pain. I know we haven't been together for long but we have been through a lot in the time we have been together. I am not justifying this to anyone - only stating a truth. This is the man I hope to spend my life with. I want to see his smile every morning, and watch his eyes dance when he tells me a story. I want to help him through the things that cause him to become sad at times. I want to support his dreams and help him conquer them. I know he wants the same with me.

So many changes - so much joy! I am looking forward to this chapter. I can't wait for you to meet him....

Love,
Chelee

Sleep has evaded me this week. I toss and turn moving in and out of a zone that I am unaware of. I am functional to a degree but I am unable to focus. I have images of Beth, the discovery of what her ex-husband and his wife must have walked into this past Monday. I am consumed and overwhelmed - with what I don't know. Its all so scary.

Monday night I was conveying my thoughts to Paul. Explaining how distrubed I was about this whole thing and how it could have been anyone of us in the circle. How do we know? How do we keep it from happening again? Not just to someone close to home but anyone? I don't have answers just so many questions. I was telling him about a guy I dated a few years back and how unstable he was - from the drinking to the bipolar. I told him that I feared for my well being many times but I thought I could fix him at the same time. I ran away from it knowing it wasn't my job to fix him, to make him happy. It was his job and he was in denial. Being with him sent me into a funnel of oblivion though. It sent me to a low point that wasn't very much fun for anyone. I never want to live that way again. As such my reason from taking time off from the whole relationship thing to heal myself.

I am sure many of us will struggle with this whole scenario for a long time to come. We will question ourselves, our knowledge, our strengths and weaknesses. We will need to accept the fact that Beth is no longer with us even if it feels surreal.

second post of the day!

Its been a strange week so far. Let's see, I had a car accident - YES, I am fine. Abbey is a little worse for the wear. Actually she lost her front bumper - poor thing. But she is in the capable hands of a "surgeoun". Lets see how she turns out.

For those that don't know, I am moving in with Paul. I will follow with more details later. I am excited and nervouse in the same breathe. Its been a long long time!

more to come....

Beth

I know its been forever since I have written. Life has been a world wind. Strangely enough, I have so much to say and I am not sure where to start. I suppose I will start with whats on my sleeve, my heart.

Many of us sit back and wonder what we would do if we were caught in domestic violence. Would we stay because we feared for the lives of our children? Would we run in the hopes of being safe? But where would we go? Would we be truly protected? And the questions go on and on. I suppose we never truly know unless we are a situation ourselves.

Today, I can only shed tears as the innocent children and a mother have been shot in a neighboring town. Many of us reading this blog, knew this woman, many of us, did not know her pain. We knew her from elementary school, high school, class renuions and others knew her closer - they went to her to get their nails done. They may have lived a distance from her but because it was her, they made the trek to her salon. This woman - kind, quiet, gentle. Not one you would think someone would bring harm too. Not one you think would be victim to a domestic crime.

To me, sadness is not the emotion that I feel - it does not do the whole situation justice. I, like many of you, feel the real pain because it is so close to home. I am sick to my stomach, I am angry and tormented with disgust. It was a crime of passion. ( It typically is when shot at close range in the head.) I am sorry this man will not rot in prison for what he has done to this woman, her girls, this family. He may have taken the quality of life if not life from 2 young girls that happen to be in the middle. He has taken away a mother to another daughter, daughters of a father, a sister, an aunt, a daughter of parents, etc.

The angst is felt beyond her community for which she lived in. It is being felt through a network of people who are scattered about the country. For her ex-husband and his wife - I am deeply sorry for your pain. I cannot even fathom what you must be thinking or even if you are. For her surviving daughter - we grieve with you, we pray with you for your sister's health and well being. For her sister, her parents, her friends and other family - she is in a peaceful place. Her kindness will be remembered by all she touched. No one can take away what happened, we only know it should not have.

To the now dead suspects family. I feel pity - Although we know its not you who did this, it will always be difficult for you. I am sorry that your son did not get the help he so deseperately needed so Beth could have lived and seen her children grow into young adults, find loving relationships, fall in love and have families of their own someday.

She was taken from this earth too soon. It was personal. It was a violation. It is disturbing and sick. Anyone who knew of her will take it personally. There is nothing more to say....she is in our thoughts and prayers. Her smile will grace our hearts. Hopefully, she is at peace.

Busy as ever!

I know its been awhile since I have written. I am now all settled into my new digs and I love my little place. It helps to have people I know and love near by but I really like the comfort of my new home! You should all come and visit.

This has been a really interesting weekend - the boyfriend has met two significant people in my life. He met Donna at the beach - she just happened to be there and he met Anna and the family last night on our way home from his sisters house.

Speaking of his family, we happened to be at his sisters for his nephews birthday. I had done him the favor and bought the gift and card. No big deal I was at the mall anyway! I learned through his nephew that Paul had signed the card from not only him and the kids but from me as well. I was totally unaware of this....I guess that is a positive thing but I was realitively surprised if truth be told. I never expected that. Hmmm....so I guess that would also mean that things are going along smoothly with Paul. I feel like I have known him forever yet its only be a few months. All and all life is good.

Sleepless nights

I am headed into the 6th or 7th night with barely any sleep. And a couple of times this week, I have managed to ensure that Paul tosses and turns with me. I feel like a hung over drunken idiot because I am so tired.

Why can't I sleep? What is on my mind? Why do I feel this way and look like death warmed over - puffy red eyes, pale white sallow skin, frumpy - all because of lack SLLLLEEEEP. What an awful thought. I need a nap and it barely 8 am in the morning.

It's funny, I toss and turn and at around 5 AM I am just about to fall asleep when I know I have barely an hour to sleep. How sad is that. I can't even wirte anymore because I don't know what I am saying.

Misc stuff...

I know, I know, its been awhile. Well I have been busy - getting ready to become a city slicker - as the move happens in 10 days, spending time with the beau and working diligently. What can I say, in reality there is no excuse.

So what's new - well, first, my deepest sympathy goes out to Paula for her loss. My heart is with you girlfriend.

I also am soooo excited to see CR this week. Its been 5 and a half years and way too long. Yippie Yi Yea! I will probably cry like I did when KP came into town. Now if the three of us could finally get it together - watch out world. Danger lurks where we emerge! Memories of the golf tournament are etched in my brain. Catholic school girls, praying to just hit the ball. Of course, we rocked and thats all I have to say.

Happy Birthday CRW! I wish you were here. I hope this year brings you lots of joy and happiness. Wish it, believe it, live it!

Tonight is American Idol night!

Meet the family part two

It is another big day on Planet Michele - as we dive right in and meet the family for lunch. That's right - brothers, nephews and sister-in-law. Yestreday, we ran into an uncle at the car place - I didn't even see him until I turned around and he was in the door way.

I am not as nervous this week. Maybe because he has already met the parents. Besides I get to kiss the babies and play! Of course it means that we have a busy long day as we head to Jane and Scotts but CAR rides are fun with him.

Wish me luck!

Meet the Parents

We have the first official holiday behind us - one of my favorite because it involves a little bunny bringing lots of chocolate. Although I think Paul enjoys it more. I can actually say that and be almost happy about it - that he is addicted to chocolate - of course, he is thinner with no cholesterol issues either(that is just so unfair)! So the Easter Bunny made its way to us - I spent the night at his house where there was the traditional not so traditional since I was 8 decorating of the eggs with his daughter. And then on Sunday, we went to his Mom's house!

Big steps for me in this tiny little world - I introduced him to my parents. My time was limited due to the fact that they are in SC most of the time. So last Saturday we made our way to my house ( an hour) picked up some stuff and my parents happened to be home. I was so nervous. I am not good at the whole introduce the man to the parents thing. Its strange and unusual - it takes me completely out of my comfort zone. But he said it went well and I am good with that. Real good with that. Of course, we are due to have lunch with my parents on Saturday (this) and then meet with my family on Sunday! That's a lot of parents! But you know its okay!

Easter was wonderful. His mom was great and sweet and kind and went out of her way to make me comfortable. Dinner was fabulous and I love his family.

I am such a happy camper. I cannot even begin to tell you. I know this is boring and I am sorry. But I am wimpy! I am in love!

What I wanted

These blogs are getting a little boring I know. What can I say? I got what I wanted and I found it in one man. He gets me, he loves me and he isn't trying to make me something I am not. He is just magical in my world. He may not be perfect and I am quite all right with that because I am far from it. We fit, we connect. I never really thought it would be like this. I thought I would settle into someone. Not settle itself but find comfort with someone. I wanted the fireworks, the bliss, the feeling of walking on clouds and not egg shells. I got it. I adore it and treasure it.

It is amazing and I never want to let go.

Well, more later, its Easter Sunday and the Easter Bunny was good to me. I hope he was to you as well. Have a wonderful day!

Always with love,
Chele

PS. He met the parents and I am meeting his today!

Home!

What does this really mean - to be home, to have a home, to feel at home. Is it a place, an entity, is it tangible or not?

I think it definitely leads itself to many things - in many instances I have come home, found a home, and I am home!

The most obvious is the physical - the place where I hang my hat! The place where I rest my head on a nightly basis (well within a reason.) The place where I sit and watch TV, spend time on the computer, cook and clean. It is where my bed is and my couch stays. I have managed to find a new one - I am moving into the city! I am very excited about my new home. It is warm, cozy and inviting! Southie is my new home! I am looking forward to being in the city and yet at the same time have the water so close to me that I can smell the salt when I open my windows.( well not really but I am only 4 short blocks from the bay!) So in this case of home, it is a tangible entity.

And then there is home within the heart. For years I have been searching for home, who will be my shelter, my safe haven, my heart and soul. Paul is my home and with that in mind, it doesn't matter where I hang my hat because there is a warmth I feel with him; a certainty. He brings me to life with just the thought of him. I don't have the need for much more - only that! I am blessed to know this is home. I am more blessed to know love like I have always dreamed about. In this sense, home is not tangible but it is touchable.

Why do I bring this up - I am not sure, maybe because I am sitting here packing, listening to music and wondering where to put things. Needless to say, I am not getting things done because I am writing as opposed to packing. So be it.


M~

Ahh Yaaaa!

So I have fallen off the band wagon. What can I say? I am blissful. I am content and cannot think of anything extraordinary to say.... well maybe I can. Let's talk work first, can we talk work?

Its been a rollercoaster ride this week. One day great another day filled with overwhelming stress and anxiety. The place is dictated by emotions and sometimes if you speak your mind, you are shunned. I was hired to make executive like decisions, create relationships and build the reputation of the firm up. Why is it that I feel myself going down at times. I cannot seem to find the right path to bring success my way. I know I am really good at what I do, I also know I need the support of others - let's say like the principals. Yet, they won't let the reigns go. They want you to believe that they are letting go and throw you a carrot and yet, they pull it back as fast as they gave it. Beyond that, there is no synergy between the founding partners. They don't see eye to eye nor do they live on the same plane. Strangely enough, I still have the yearning to make it all work because I can see the potential. This is my problem. When I see the potential I crave to fix whatever may be broken and not only put a band aid on it but solve the deep rooted issues which means examining all aspects of the environment. I want this to work because I love what I do - I just want to do it.


And of course, there is love - I know I have found it. I can hear some of you in the back of my head saying to me that you can see the fireworks, feel the rush, will know immediately and boy, I never thought it would be that way for me. I thought I would grow into someone - perhaps settle because I was so ready for this and it was what I wanted to do. So I kissed my frogs and felt pangs of rejection for months as I went in search of my last love. Strange thing is I almost passed him by. I was ready for a sabbitical and thought why bother. He isn't going to rock my world. I was overwhelmed with surprise when I discovered that he is my world. He not only rocked it but set it on fire and is standing in the ring with me. A little about him, I don't even know how to describe it. There are so many firsts with him and if not firsts - it feels like it over and over again. Now that Paul is in my life, I will not let him go. I will hold on tight and go for the ride.

There is a part of him that calms me, brings me into my inner self but not in the intense way that you all know. It is playful and sweet. I am a little school girl with a huge crush, I am smiling from within and I have never felt so alive than I do now. It is breath-taking and overwhelming. I am awe with all that I am feeling and I am forever grateful. Even if by some chance this is not my last love, it will definitely rank as my greatest. He accepts me with my flaws and finds the goodness from within. He allows me to shine and brings me to a place that is home. You may think I am crazy for thinking this in such a short time and probably so. You may be worried about me and whether I am setting myself up for failure - for pain, for a broken heart and you maybe wondering what are his thoughts. And rightfully so, but I am willing to take the chance and risk my heart for this man. I know he is risking his.

I will share with you this - the first kiss. Nothing like I have ever felt before. It was mind blowing, provocative and beyond what is real to me. I can still feel it within my bones. It hit me at the core. It was the essence of him, of us.

So right this second, I am filled with thoughts of exploration, passion and true love. My journey is just beginning with Paul. I think it will be endless.

I love you all and thank you for giving me hope. I cannot wait to introduce to him. If you could only see the smile on my face, the laughter in my voice and sparkle in my eyes you would see the bliss in me.

Ain't No Other Man!

Okay, a few words and then I am headed to sleep because I am delirious - WOWZA, WOWZA, WOWZA! I am at my corner and he is standing there with me. This is mostly likely the one. It was the most incredible date in my life and my heart raced when I met him. It was electric! What more do you need to know?

Upcoming events

Well, the weekend is approaching which means strangely enough that I have another date. Will I be able to break the streak of the "One Date Wonder", will I be able to leap up from my seat and walk out if he cannot hold a conversation, or will I be awed by his magnetic nature? I do not have the answers to this and I suppose you will not know until after the date....all I ask is that you wish me luck! Keep the fingers crossed.....

Paul and I are taking an ambitious track - he wants to spend an entire day with me. I have barely managed a couple of hours and he is asking for the whole date. He does have a plan though and if by chance we need to ditch each other, I think the museum is big enough to get lost in. So listen for the call if I become stranded. For some reason I don't think I will have to....but no leaving the phone on vibrate please

I love the sky when its Blue!

Check out the song by Doria Robert's called Perfect! This is my new theme song and I am hoping it brings me luck! Totally awesome - Thank you Snuffie!!!!!!!!!!! for the intro!

Even though I have suffered some pain, I am pleased to announce my upcoming date this Saturday! His name is Paul! He has been warned that if he does not come to the table without the ability to hold a conversation than I will get up and walk out. He seems to be eager to take the challenge. He would like to have a date for the whole day but I have already squashed that idea. Small doses are good. I am looking forward to this one in a way I haven't looked forward to the others. I am not sure why but maybe I am actually getting to my corner. I don't want to get ahead of myself - I promise to walk slow!

About Paul, I have no nicknames for him, nothing to point out that might be a down factor. He seems to get me at least on the phone. Our conversations have been light and fun filled with laughter and moments of whimsical thoughts that leave us smiling. You can tell that he has gotten through his 'headwork" and is ready for the commitment to the right person. His eyes sparkle in his pictures and his smile can only make you smile. There is a softness within him but there is also a man who knows what he wants. He says he is somewhat shy but has shown no signs of it with me. He lives in a desired zip code, has a job, and no drinking problems. ( this of course is all here say.) His favorite place to be is the beach! Yes, he got points for that! He actually cooks as well. There is an easiness about him that allows me not to be in fear of saying something wrong. And believe me there has been time during our marathon phone calls. Saturday can't come soon enough.....keep your fingers crossed, say your prayers and hope for the best. I am ready!

I love you all.....

more on Pain!

Here is my thought process on some of my dates, I would rather have a bikini wax or get my teeth drilled. I ask why! Why and more why! No need to answer that! This is just the finishing thought of yesterday's blog.

Why does it have to be so painful at times!

Okay, I had a date with Dave - Geeky Dave from New Hampshire. The geekness really wasn't an issue - the issue was that he didn't talk. Yes, he has great listening skills but I need someone who can carry a conversation with me. Not me having the conversation on my own, trying to pull him into a conversation. I don't want to go on all these dates....dating sucks!

To the Bone!

Loyalty - we all hope in our lives that someone will respect us and care for us enough that they will be loyal. It doesn't matter if it is a husband, significant other, or friend. We all want it even if we never ask for it. It is one of those things we take for granted thinking it is just one of the basic elements of friendships. Yet when something happens that tests that loyalty we are taken back because we have taken it for granted subconsciously.

Yesterday I was faced with a situation - caddy as it was that was somewhat unpleasant and made many people feel horrible. All because of one person's insecurity. However during the "meeting" to communicate this escapade that caused a rife, a certain person came to the batter's box on my behalf. Needless to say, she didn't need to but she did because of her heart. She felt it was unfair and unjust. It was such a in your face type of loyalty that took my breath away. This sense of loyalty grabbed me and it was there that I recognized how lucky I am once again. It was to the bone. So you Mel, thank you!

mish mash

An interesting day in the barnyard and that's an understatement.... so where to start. The emotions are high giving the passing of a full moon.

Men - well, I heard from Ted. He would like to get together again and I am hoping that we both just had a bad day on Friday! But I am not sure. My gut says no, my mind yes, be considerate!

And then there is Dave - geeky with a capital G. Not that Geeky is bad but the previous 3 before him, I think I am just going to be too much for him. I need someone who is equal in nature and can keep me just as entertained. It's just not happening.

In a discussion with Les today, she shared something her son has said to her..I wish for pray for Michele to find a nice man. This of course brought some serious tears to my eyes and stopped my heart. The words of an almost 9 year - I guess I have angels by my side.

Work - oh god, it is really difficult to do something nice for anyone anymore. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! I am confused to a degree and my heart hurts from the viciousness that surrounds some peoples thoughts. When someone wants something from me that is not related to the actual work environment remind me to say NO.
I need to remember that the company has no soul. None of our companies do. That is a fact.

Well, I am drained and headed to bed...

And Joanie says!

Joanie writes....I was hoping for much more excitement for the Friday night date....oh well, it sounds to me like NEXT....! ARNF....I am living vicariously through you these days so please step it up a notch (ha, ha)Love,me

hmmmmm.....

Well, Friday night was date night with Ted. He sort of reminds me of Anderson Cooper who I have a little crush on. I really don't have much to say, mainly because my head is blocked up and it hurts. But it was a nice date - he was kind and sweet, funny and entertaining. Dinner was fantastic! More later....

Date Night is approaching!

Tomorrow is my date with Ted! I am actually looking forward to this one. He has a way about him that makes me feel like home. I am not worried about being on my best behavior with him. I think I can just be myself. Good, bad, indifferent! This is a good thing, no, its a great thing! The big question is what shall I wear? My first intention isn't going to work since the work day has changed and I now have to wear a suit tomorrow! I will survive!

All and all, its been an interesting week. Lot's of new interests, tons of things to explore and just entertaining!

More on Ted!

This mornings email from Mr. Ted stated that he wanted to make sure he got enough "press time" (on the blog). I have a feeling that there is no need to worry. What can I tell you thus far about him.....positives - he is single, has a job and is an early riser. Negatives - he has cats which I am allergic to. He does not know this yet. How do I work this one if I get close enough to one of them. Lots of drugs unfortunately. Right now that is the only down side!

So our first date is scheduled for this coming Friday although the forecast is calling for a north easter. Of course it is, because I am looking forward to this date! But he lives only a few blocks away from work in my desired zip code! This is definitely a bonus except the work thing might be changing which means my desired zip code could change as well. We will see.

I am so funny!

Not my line but Ted's. He actually comes out and says it as if it is one of his strengths. The funny thing is that it is funny. He is looking for someone who is funny as well ( but not as funny as him). I let him know that I have my funny moments but promise to let him be funnier. Almost as if it is part of my vow. Never thought about it that way until just now!

Well Ted entertains me on the way home this evening and before you know it I am on my doorstep. Thank god for cell phones. By the end of the conversation he is ready to give up his reign as being funniest to me. I ask to remain a well kept secret and decline the sentiment. Needless to say - I will be having a date with Ted.

Dating 101

Surpisingly, this is not about me this morning. A girlfriend of mine called last evening. She has been dating this guy for almost 2 years and said that she finds herself writing her own personal ad when he is next to her......ahh, I think its time to let go, what do you think?
.

Harry! Will you sing for me?

Well there was another date yesterday with "Harry Connick Jr". Not his real name of course but he looks like him. And if someone looks like Harry, its bound to be a decent date no matter what the outcome is....We met in the afternoon for coffee(tea please!) and he is sweet. He is also extremely shy and not very outgoing. Although I don't usually mind a quiet guy, I might plow him over. What was s-dizzle's words for him - "Man concentrate". He is bright, articulate, caring, engaged and endearing. Is there a connection - I don't know. He would like to get together again. The funny thing is, I didn't think he would say that but apparently he is willing to ride the wave a little bit. I appreciate that. Maybe he will come out of his shell. Time will tell. My intuition tells me that he is not the one but like him, I am willing to go for a ride on the wave.

Random thoughts!

I love the Slowskys's - the turtles from the comcast commericial. The latest one is the turtle is in a restuarant with the waiter standing over him and tells the server to back off because standing over him is not going to make him choose faster.

I still love Elmo - the little red puppet from Sesame Street.
I love my electric toothbrush and when I am on vacation it is painful.
I love my friends - really I do. I am forever grateful for you.

So what's on the top of your things to love? I wanna know.

Bad Day at the Ranch!

I am not sure maybe the planets were in retrograde or something because from the moment I woke yesterday until the very end, it just seemed to be a rotten day. Work was less than stellar, I was sluggish and just not having a grand ole time.

Did you ever have one of those days where you feel as if you are being scapegoated or thrown under the plow for no particular reason, just someone else doesn't seem to have their groove on so its your turn at the whipping post?! Well, that was yesterday and you know it drains you. I won't get into detail because it still disturbs me - just writing what I have is therapy enough...

I know we shouldn't take things personally, especially in the work place. Mainly because the workplace has no soul and it can eat you up and tear you to pieces. But if we are emotional in the sense that we wear our hearts on our sleeves, we tend to take everything to heart. We do not compartmentalize. I am thinking that this is something we should all learn to do. Some are great at it while others are knocked over from time to time.

The strange thing is I love what I do when I am able to really do it! I love working and maybe because I spent enough time not working I feel as though I am making up for lost time. I am not sure. Ah, yes, tomorrow is another day! Yeah....

It isn't always about "the boys"

Tonights blog is on other things, such as tv programs - AMI was really good last night! Latisha ( I apologize for misspelling your name sweety) has this amazing powerful voice and you know honestly, I am gunning for her. She is humle and has an innocent look in her eyes. But she knocked the socks off the Jennifer Hudson song from Dream Girls. I would listen to it over and over again if I had the opportunity. So tonight we have a long dragged out results show. (And we will find out after the break!) But I know how to use the remote so it should be okay....

Well I am off to get food and do some yoga, love to all of you.....

Wind them up!

Wind them up! (Gwen Stefani) They like the way we dance!

Onward and upward, but first, let's finish with Morta Man - Mr. Phil. Talk about assertive. First date, all over me like a wet rag. Whoa Pony, whoa! Actually he went in for a kiss midway into the date and not expecting, I said, "Okay, I guess I will just go with the flow." Not a bad kisser, pretty good actually in the beginning but then it gets hard and sloppy! There is so much in a kiss too. We have all been there and we all know, some people just cannot kiss for the life of them. Boys, you aren't dogs, it doesn't have to be wet and slimy so all you want is a tissue to wipe your FACE off. (Notice I said face, not mouth!) Anyway, back to Phil.

He grew on me and we had some great dates. I even made dinner for him which he devoured and asked for more. My bad, that was the end of the relationship. Hmm.....since then we have spoken in which he stated that the "Inner Buzz he usually has within himself isn't there with me." Okay, I get it. Not really but I am trying too. On a positive note, he did say that he wished he could fall in love with me but he was intimidated by me. His Bad! Oh, well. We move on! And the famous line is ....altogether...NEXT!

Of course, there were the virtual boyfriends as well. The ones that never got face time or even anytime with me. There is Mystical "wanna be" Marc, who doesn't leave the cape, There is the sponge, self absorbent Brian, who doesn't cross over into MA. from NH, and Chris, who is just plain too shy I think! He is sweet and kind but not assertive enough for me I am afraid. There are others - I will say that this experience has offered some wonderful men, some that have potential and are well matched with me. The problem is no click, no chemistry which by the way, men seem to think its instantaneous even in their 40's. Immediate gratification.
Isn't that what their hand is for when alone? I am sorry I had to say that, it just came out of my mouth.....but think about it, it has some truth, doesn't it?

Can I get a 1/2lb of Turkey!

Dating is like being at a deli counter. You get up to the line, place your order which is carefully thrown to you and the guy turns around immediately and says NEXT! I feel like the man behind the deli counter...which leads me back to my first date of venture. His name is Kirk. Suddenly I know you are thinking of Star trek aren't you.....hehehhe...

Kirk has an attitude. His humor is slapstick on the border line of sarcastic. Yet he much better at dishing it than taking it. He also have an attitude when it comes to women I discovered. In fact, I didn't even want to go on the date with him. I had gotten this vibe the night before the date( we were talking on the phone.) The next morning I emailed and asked him if he really wanted to meet - he called me crazy but the certifiable kind not a good crazy. He said I was paranoid and of course he wanted to meet. Funny thing is I was right on! Although he was nice enough and all, he didn't want to be there but dinner was good. We went for Sushi - this great place in Brookline. Our conversation flowed but I kept reeling him back in as he over and over again bashed woman. I am thinking bad experiences that he has never forgotten. Our issues, his mother lives with him because he is a 3/4 of the time Dad. He was trapped by the evil forces of a woman who wanted to get married. She never got the ring and he got the kid. So Mom moved in to help and the story goes from there. I asked him why he joined and he said a friend told him too....hello, do you have a brain and can you think for yourself. I will be nice as he was a least decent. He did call to make sure I made it home safely that night. One more call after that and we were done. Ba Bye....don't forget to throw your trash in the receptacles (with the pageant wave) - think Toy Story 2 trailers and then you can completely understand where I am.


NEXT!

Tim - the horrific one. Did you ever go on a date thinking you were on a interview for the job of your life instead? Well here is Tim's story. By the way, Tim has a great voice. He should be in communications expect he doesn't know how to effectively communicate with anyone!

Tim and I met for lunch after going through the rigorous process that eharmony commands. We meet in town on a warm fall day! He takes me to this quaint little bistro in the South End. Our conversation is seamless although its a little loud and sometimes I couldn't hear what he was saying and my lip reading skills aren't up to par. Needless to say a few hours later we leave the restaurant and go for a walk. No hand holding or anything like that but we are walking side by side immersed in conversation. He is fairly serious and I am trying to lighten him up. Imagine that me trying to lighten someone else up. Now that is ironic! He walks me to my car, we say our goodbyes, thank you's and so forth. All and all, it felt like a pretty decent date. But here comes the good part ( depending on how you look at it.)

The next evening I get a call from Horrific Tim stating that he treated the date like an interview and I did not make the first cut. In fact, I did not make it in the looks department. Being absolutely floored that someone could be so hurtful, I said nothing but okay, have a great life. ( I was always taught that two wrongs don't make a right.) Needless to say, I have not spoken with Tim since that fateful day and nor do I want too. Like the previous two, I can recommend a great shrink!

NEXT!

Phil - aka Morta Man, aka, Physical Phil, aka Fast Phil! He is a funeral director for a family business. Well part of the time, he is trying to discover the world of commercial real estate wanting so desperately to be a billionaire. At first, I didn't want to meet him. I couldn't put my finger on it but I was reluctant. But through the persuasion of friends, I did and I was surprised that I enjoyed his company! Ohhh.... phones ringing, more later on Morta Man!

Nap time!

It's mid afternoon and I am crashing. This is not atypical, in fact, its a rather common occurrence do to the lack of sleep. The day has been filled with tasks to complete(most of which are completed) and funny little stories to share.

For instance, Missy( she knows who she is) is now my social director. She is always looking out for me. In my inbox sat a nice little reminder of this weeks upcoming single events! Soon not only will the calendar be there but my schedule will eventually go through her, so if you need me, go through Missy...I love her for this. She is my in-house Yenta!

And of course, there is S-Dizzle with her Intervention. Apparently, some of the men I am choosing are just too BORING. And of course, for those who know me, assume that I am not. I just want a nice guy, someone not certifiable. This brings me to another point. I promise to being everyone up to date on the goings on over the next couple of days - from the first date to now. Right now, we only have time for one....

Okay! The Drew Man. A native NYer. A Yankee's fan. This should have been the first sign of things not to come. Anyway, Mr. Drew - a great conversationalist! A road warrior! A gentleman! A man unable to see the forest through the trees, stuck in 1994 and cannot seem to get out. Call the shrink, its time to get to work! Drew and I had a lot in common and were compatible with a capital C. Our problem, he needed someone as detached from the world as he was. He had not gotten through his divorce (1994) and therefore, could not be the man on my corner. He still has years of head work to do. I have been hitting my head against the wall for years and can finally see the light (sometimes all I see are flashes but what to do expect when you are hitting your head against a wall.) If he didn't have this issue, there wouldn't be a blog.

I would have nothing but good things to say! Anyway, I stray.....Drew, huhhhhhh, his smile was like heaven. Okay, no back to the subject at hand. Drew, not ready to really truly fall in love and meet the right person. I think he wants to but cannot bring himself to that level. His last words were - you are an amazing woman, my twin soul, I will speak to you soon....well, maybe I am wrong but doesn't the word soon imply shortly, within a reasonable time. Not several months from now. If it is let me know, because soon has yet to come and maybe I am clueless about the concept of time. I dunno.

Next edition....the okay date and Mr. Horrific!

Dear John

Well as anticipated there will be no second date with Capt'n Steve(my nickname for him). Last night I received my Dear John letter. I must say that it was a rather sweet rejection letter. Albeit a rejection letter but kind and compassionate. It seems as if it should be an oxomoron to have kind, sweet, compassionate and rejection in the same paragraph. But alas, we move on ......Next!

I have to admit that I felt no connection as well. But I was willing to go a second round to see if I might be wrong! Hence, I never made it to round two as the bell went off and he went down.

So you may ask, why do I call him Capt'n Steve...well its a sad state of affairs actually. My ex-husband is a Steve and because I actually enjoyed talking to Capt'n Steve, I had to give him a nickname. I couldn't call him Steve. It would not come out of my mouth. Simply stated, he was too nice to carry the name Steve!

Where do we go from here....well I have S-Dizzle on the job. She is scouting perspective "clients" as I write. I wonder what kind of list she will come up with. It should prove to be interesting to say the least. You know dating sucks - but it is a necessary evil to get to that one isn't it?

I'm a virgin!

My first blog - I have been deflowered so to speak. After reading a friends blog, I had to start. I write in a journal on a daily basis, why not here. Right?
I am sure I will find this addicting as time goes on. Add this to the various websites visited often, the iPod, the gym, the mission to find love and the obsession to lose weight. hmm....when shall I work? I suppose Monday through Friday given that's what I get paid to work.

So let's get to it. I had a date today. Nice guy, sweet -unsure of the chemistry. Will there be a second date? I don't know. Hard to read.

The past couple of months have been a series of dates - all thanks to the folks over a eharmony where supposedly they have 99 marriages a day! Hello, can this statistic be right? I must admit that I am meeting some quality men, just no click. Get this, today I learned that they have "flexible matching". What does this mean? Well when they can't find a match that meets your 29 dimensions based on their test they make you take, they send you someone that does not match your criteria. Why, whats the point? I mean the criteria is there for a reason, is it not? Think about it. If I wanted someone with no teeth, no job and no education, I would have specified that. So I ask, whats the point on sending me a match who isn't a match? So I meet more guys that I am not going to click with. Give me a break!

This blogging thing is going to be fun.....