Ahh Yaaaa!

So I have fallen off the band wagon. What can I say? I am blissful. I am content and cannot think of anything extraordinary to say.... well maybe I can. Let's talk work first, can we talk work?

Its been a rollercoaster ride this week. One day great another day filled with overwhelming stress and anxiety. The place is dictated by emotions and sometimes if you speak your mind, you are shunned. I was hired to make executive like decisions, create relationships and build the reputation of the firm up. Why is it that I feel myself going down at times. I cannot seem to find the right path to bring success my way. I know I am really good at what I do, I also know I need the support of others - let's say like the principals. Yet, they won't let the reigns go. They want you to believe that they are letting go and throw you a carrot and yet, they pull it back as fast as they gave it. Beyond that, there is no synergy between the founding partners. They don't see eye to eye nor do they live on the same plane. Strangely enough, I still have the yearning to make it all work because I can see the potential. This is my problem. When I see the potential I crave to fix whatever may be broken and not only put a band aid on it but solve the deep rooted issues which means examining all aspects of the environment. I want this to work because I love what I do - I just want to do it.


And of course, there is love - I know I have found it. I can hear some of you in the back of my head saying to me that you can see the fireworks, feel the rush, will know immediately and boy, I never thought it would be that way for me. I thought I would grow into someone - perhaps settle because I was so ready for this and it was what I wanted to do. So I kissed my frogs and felt pangs of rejection for months as I went in search of my last love. Strange thing is I almost passed him by. I was ready for a sabbitical and thought why bother. He isn't going to rock my world. I was overwhelmed with surprise when I discovered that he is my world. He not only rocked it but set it on fire and is standing in the ring with me. A little about him, I don't even know how to describe it. There are so many firsts with him and if not firsts - it feels like it over and over again. Now that Paul is in my life, I will not let him go. I will hold on tight and go for the ride.

There is a part of him that calms me, brings me into my inner self but not in the intense way that you all know. It is playful and sweet. I am a little school girl with a huge crush, I am smiling from within and I have never felt so alive than I do now. It is breath-taking and overwhelming. I am awe with all that I am feeling and I am forever grateful. Even if by some chance this is not my last love, it will definitely rank as my greatest. He accepts me with my flaws and finds the goodness from within. He allows me to shine and brings me to a place that is home. You may think I am crazy for thinking this in such a short time and probably so. You may be worried about me and whether I am setting myself up for failure - for pain, for a broken heart and you maybe wondering what are his thoughts. And rightfully so, but I am willing to take the chance and risk my heart for this man. I know he is risking his.

I will share with you this - the first kiss. Nothing like I have ever felt before. It was mind blowing, provocative and beyond what is real to me. I can still feel it within my bones. It hit me at the core. It was the essence of him, of us.

So right this second, I am filled with thoughts of exploration, passion and true love. My journey is just beginning with Paul. I think it will be endless.

I love you all and thank you for giving me hope. I cannot wait to introduce to him. If you could only see the smile on my face, the laughter in my voice and sparkle in my eyes you would see the bliss in me.