Well, its October already! What happened to the first 3 quarters of the year. It been a rush thats for sure.

As you all know, I moved in with Paul. Funny, I never thought that would be the case 9 months ago. We have been together 7 months already! Wow. Its wonderful. We both manage to have our space, our alone time and yet, seem to look forward to the times we spend together. I feel blessed to say the least.

This whole blog started out as a way to get through dates and now, hmmm, I don't write. I guess I have nothing funny to say. I am blissful to say the least.

I promise to get back into the groove and write more...

M

nothing in particular

So its really been since the end of August. Wow. Well since then....

1. I am settled into my new place and won't be moving for quite sometime. Everyone is happy.
2. Beth's girls are pulling through -walking and talking. There are miracles that come about. If you don't recall, a classmate was shot last month and it wasn't known if the two young girls would make it. They too were shot. Of course, the recovery is going to be long but all and all its all good.
3. We are going Apple picking this weekend. Fall is upon us although one would never know with the temps at 90 plus and the humidity at close to a 100%. Just look at my hair.
4. I saw my brothers and nephews this past weekend. We get togethe so rarely. It really shouldn't be this way but everyone is busy. Including me.
5. I love living with Paul so far. Someone reminded me the other day, that I made a vow not to be alone for any more holidays - I guess the hard work paid off.
6. I miss you all...love you more.

Chele

Moving yet again!

I think in my next life I will be a professional packer/unpacker. I seem to be doing a lot of it. I have also gotten real good at leaving in transit. Never really unpack all my belongings. And everytime I move, I throw something away. Funny how that is and to think I just moved in May of this summer.

This is the biggest move in a very long time and though I am not leaving the state this time, I am moving in with Paul. Its been 14 years since I have lived with a man. While I am excited I am nervous. Granted we spend oodles of time together and I am sure it will be close to how we are now but it will be different. There will be compromises to be made and concessions to be had. Thats okay. I am ready. I am ready because I truly love this man with all my heart and soul. He is the missing beat. He holds my heart close to his chest and tries to protect me from pain. I know we haven't been together for long but we have been through a lot in the time we have been together. I am not justifying this to anyone - only stating a truth. This is the man I hope to spend my life with. I want to see his smile every morning, and watch his eyes dance when he tells me a story. I want to help him through the things that cause him to become sad at times. I want to support his dreams and help him conquer them. I know he wants the same with me.

So many changes - so much joy! I am looking forward to this chapter. I can't wait for you to meet him....

Love,
Chelee

Sleep has evaded me this week. I toss and turn moving in and out of a zone that I am unaware of. I am functional to a degree but I am unable to focus. I have images of Beth, the discovery of what her ex-husband and his wife must have walked into this past Monday. I am consumed and overwhelmed - with what I don't know. Its all so scary.

Monday night I was conveying my thoughts to Paul. Explaining how distrubed I was about this whole thing and how it could have been anyone of us in the circle. How do we know? How do we keep it from happening again? Not just to someone close to home but anyone? I don't have answers just so many questions. I was telling him about a guy I dated a few years back and how unstable he was - from the drinking to the bipolar. I told him that I feared for my well being many times but I thought I could fix him at the same time. I ran away from it knowing it wasn't my job to fix him, to make him happy. It was his job and he was in denial. Being with him sent me into a funnel of oblivion though. It sent me to a low point that wasn't very much fun for anyone. I never want to live that way again. As such my reason from taking time off from the whole relationship thing to heal myself.

I am sure many of us will struggle with this whole scenario for a long time to come. We will question ourselves, our knowledge, our strengths and weaknesses. We will need to accept the fact that Beth is no longer with us even if it feels surreal.

second post of the day!

Its been a strange week so far. Let's see, I had a car accident - YES, I am fine. Abbey is a little worse for the wear. Actually she lost her front bumper - poor thing. But she is in the capable hands of a "surgeoun". Lets see how she turns out.

For those that don't know, I am moving in with Paul. I will follow with more details later. I am excited and nervouse in the same breathe. Its been a long long time!

more to come....

Beth

I know its been forever since I have written. Life has been a world wind. Strangely enough, I have so much to say and I am not sure where to start. I suppose I will start with whats on my sleeve, my heart.

Many of us sit back and wonder what we would do if we were caught in domestic violence. Would we stay because we feared for the lives of our children? Would we run in the hopes of being safe? But where would we go? Would we be truly protected? And the questions go on and on. I suppose we never truly know unless we are a situation ourselves.

Today, I can only shed tears as the innocent children and a mother have been shot in a neighboring town. Many of us reading this blog, knew this woman, many of us, did not know her pain. We knew her from elementary school, high school, class renuions and others knew her closer - they went to her to get their nails done. They may have lived a distance from her but because it was her, they made the trek to her salon. This woman - kind, quiet, gentle. Not one you would think someone would bring harm too. Not one you think would be victim to a domestic crime.

To me, sadness is not the emotion that I feel - it does not do the whole situation justice. I, like many of you, feel the real pain because it is so close to home. I am sick to my stomach, I am angry and tormented with disgust. It was a crime of passion. ( It typically is when shot at close range in the head.) I am sorry this man will not rot in prison for what he has done to this woman, her girls, this family. He may have taken the quality of life if not life from 2 young girls that happen to be in the middle. He has taken away a mother to another daughter, daughters of a father, a sister, an aunt, a daughter of parents, etc.

The angst is felt beyond her community for which she lived in. It is being felt through a network of people who are scattered about the country. For her ex-husband and his wife - I am deeply sorry for your pain. I cannot even fathom what you must be thinking or even if you are. For her surviving daughter - we grieve with you, we pray with you for your sister's health and well being. For her sister, her parents, her friends and other family - she is in a peaceful place. Her kindness will be remembered by all she touched. No one can take away what happened, we only know it should not have.

To the now dead suspects family. I feel pity - Although we know its not you who did this, it will always be difficult for you. I am sorry that your son did not get the help he so deseperately needed so Beth could have lived and seen her children grow into young adults, find loving relationships, fall in love and have families of their own someday.

She was taken from this earth too soon. It was personal. It was a violation. It is disturbing and sick. Anyone who knew of her will take it personally. There is nothing more to say....she is in our thoughts and prayers. Her smile will grace our hearts. Hopefully, she is at peace.

Busy as ever!

I know its been awhile since I have written. I am now all settled into my new digs and I love my little place. It helps to have people I know and love near by but I really like the comfort of my new home! You should all come and visit.

This has been a really interesting weekend - the boyfriend has met two significant people in my life. He met Donna at the beach - she just happened to be there and he met Anna and the family last night on our way home from his sisters house.

Speaking of his family, we happened to be at his sisters for his nephews birthday. I had done him the favor and bought the gift and card. No big deal I was at the mall anyway! I learned through his nephew that Paul had signed the card from not only him and the kids but from me as well. I was totally unaware of this....I guess that is a positive thing but I was realitively surprised if truth be told. I never expected that. Hmmm....so I guess that would also mean that things are going along smoothly with Paul. I feel like I have known him forever yet its only be a few months. All and all life is good.