Home!

What does this really mean - to be home, to have a home, to feel at home. Is it a place, an entity, is it tangible or not?

I think it definitely leads itself to many things - in many instances I have come home, found a home, and I am home!

The most obvious is the physical - the place where I hang my hat! The place where I rest my head on a nightly basis (well within a reason.) The place where I sit and watch TV, spend time on the computer, cook and clean. It is where my bed is and my couch stays. I have managed to find a new one - I am moving into the city! I am very excited about my new home. It is warm, cozy and inviting! Southie is my new home! I am looking forward to being in the city and yet at the same time have the water so close to me that I can smell the salt when I open my windows.( well not really but I am only 4 short blocks from the bay!) So in this case of home, it is a tangible entity.

And then there is home within the heart. For years I have been searching for home, who will be my shelter, my safe haven, my heart and soul. Paul is my home and with that in mind, it doesn't matter where I hang my hat because there is a warmth I feel with him; a certainty. He brings me to life with just the thought of him. I don't have the need for much more - only that! I am blessed to know this is home. I am more blessed to know love like I have always dreamed about. In this sense, home is not tangible but it is touchable.

Why do I bring this up - I am not sure, maybe because I am sitting here packing, listening to music and wondering where to put things. Needless to say, I am not getting things done because I am writing as opposed to packing. So be it.


M~

Ahh Yaaaa!

So I have fallen off the band wagon. What can I say? I am blissful. I am content and cannot think of anything extraordinary to say.... well maybe I can. Let's talk work first, can we talk work?

Its been a rollercoaster ride this week. One day great another day filled with overwhelming stress and anxiety. The place is dictated by emotions and sometimes if you speak your mind, you are shunned. I was hired to make executive like decisions, create relationships and build the reputation of the firm up. Why is it that I feel myself going down at times. I cannot seem to find the right path to bring success my way. I know I am really good at what I do, I also know I need the support of others - let's say like the principals. Yet, they won't let the reigns go. They want you to believe that they are letting go and throw you a carrot and yet, they pull it back as fast as they gave it. Beyond that, there is no synergy between the founding partners. They don't see eye to eye nor do they live on the same plane. Strangely enough, I still have the yearning to make it all work because I can see the potential. This is my problem. When I see the potential I crave to fix whatever may be broken and not only put a band aid on it but solve the deep rooted issues which means examining all aspects of the environment. I want this to work because I love what I do - I just want to do it.


And of course, there is love - I know I have found it. I can hear some of you in the back of my head saying to me that you can see the fireworks, feel the rush, will know immediately and boy, I never thought it would be that way for me. I thought I would grow into someone - perhaps settle because I was so ready for this and it was what I wanted to do. So I kissed my frogs and felt pangs of rejection for months as I went in search of my last love. Strange thing is I almost passed him by. I was ready for a sabbitical and thought why bother. He isn't going to rock my world. I was overwhelmed with surprise when I discovered that he is my world. He not only rocked it but set it on fire and is standing in the ring with me. A little about him, I don't even know how to describe it. There are so many firsts with him and if not firsts - it feels like it over and over again. Now that Paul is in my life, I will not let him go. I will hold on tight and go for the ride.

There is a part of him that calms me, brings me into my inner self but not in the intense way that you all know. It is playful and sweet. I am a little school girl with a huge crush, I am smiling from within and I have never felt so alive than I do now. It is breath-taking and overwhelming. I am awe with all that I am feeling and I am forever grateful. Even if by some chance this is not my last love, it will definitely rank as my greatest. He accepts me with my flaws and finds the goodness from within. He allows me to shine and brings me to a place that is home. You may think I am crazy for thinking this in such a short time and probably so. You may be worried about me and whether I am setting myself up for failure - for pain, for a broken heart and you maybe wondering what are his thoughts. And rightfully so, but I am willing to take the chance and risk my heart for this man. I know he is risking his.

I will share with you this - the first kiss. Nothing like I have ever felt before. It was mind blowing, provocative and beyond what is real to me. I can still feel it within my bones. It hit me at the core. It was the essence of him, of us.

So right this second, I am filled with thoughts of exploration, passion and true love. My journey is just beginning with Paul. I think it will be endless.

I love you all and thank you for giving me hope. I cannot wait to introduce to him. If you could only see the smile on my face, the laughter in my voice and sparkle in my eyes you would see the bliss in me.

Ain't No Other Man!

Okay, a few words and then I am headed to sleep because I am delirious - WOWZA, WOWZA, WOWZA! I am at my corner and he is standing there with me. This is mostly likely the one. It was the most incredible date in my life and my heart raced when I met him. It was electric! What more do you need to know?

Upcoming events

Well, the weekend is approaching which means strangely enough that I have another date. Will I be able to break the streak of the "One Date Wonder", will I be able to leap up from my seat and walk out if he cannot hold a conversation, or will I be awed by his magnetic nature? I do not have the answers to this and I suppose you will not know until after the date....all I ask is that you wish me luck! Keep the fingers crossed.....

Paul and I are taking an ambitious track - he wants to spend an entire day with me. I have barely managed a couple of hours and he is asking for the whole date. He does have a plan though and if by chance we need to ditch each other, I think the museum is big enough to get lost in. So listen for the call if I become stranded. For some reason I don't think I will have to....but no leaving the phone on vibrate please

I love the sky when its Blue!

Check out the song by Doria Robert's called Perfect! This is my new theme song and I am hoping it brings me luck! Totally awesome - Thank you Snuffie!!!!!!!!!!! for the intro!

Even though I have suffered some pain, I am pleased to announce my upcoming date this Saturday! His name is Paul! He has been warned that if he does not come to the table without the ability to hold a conversation than I will get up and walk out. He seems to be eager to take the challenge. He would like to have a date for the whole day but I have already squashed that idea. Small doses are good. I am looking forward to this one in a way I haven't looked forward to the others. I am not sure why but maybe I am actually getting to my corner. I don't want to get ahead of myself - I promise to walk slow!

About Paul, I have no nicknames for him, nothing to point out that might be a down factor. He seems to get me at least on the phone. Our conversations have been light and fun filled with laughter and moments of whimsical thoughts that leave us smiling. You can tell that he has gotten through his 'headwork" and is ready for the commitment to the right person. His eyes sparkle in his pictures and his smile can only make you smile. There is a softness within him but there is also a man who knows what he wants. He says he is somewhat shy but has shown no signs of it with me. He lives in a desired zip code, has a job, and no drinking problems. ( this of course is all here say.) His favorite place to be is the beach! Yes, he got points for that! He actually cooks as well. There is an easiness about him that allows me not to be in fear of saying something wrong. And believe me there has been time during our marathon phone calls. Saturday can't come soon enough.....keep your fingers crossed, say your prayers and hope for the best. I am ready!

I love you all.....

more on Pain!

Here is my thought process on some of my dates, I would rather have a bikini wax or get my teeth drilled. I ask why! Why and more why! No need to answer that! This is just the finishing thought of yesterday's blog.

Why does it have to be so painful at times!

Okay, I had a date with Dave - Geeky Dave from New Hampshire. The geekness really wasn't an issue - the issue was that he didn't talk. Yes, he has great listening skills but I need someone who can carry a conversation with me. Not me having the conversation on my own, trying to pull him into a conversation. I don't want to go on all these dates....dating sucks!

To the Bone!

Loyalty - we all hope in our lives that someone will respect us and care for us enough that they will be loyal. It doesn't matter if it is a husband, significant other, or friend. We all want it even if we never ask for it. It is one of those things we take for granted thinking it is just one of the basic elements of friendships. Yet when something happens that tests that loyalty we are taken back because we have taken it for granted subconsciously.

Yesterday I was faced with a situation - caddy as it was that was somewhat unpleasant and made many people feel horrible. All because of one person's insecurity. However during the "meeting" to communicate this escapade that caused a rife, a certain person came to the batter's box on my behalf. Needless to say, she didn't need to but she did because of her heart. She felt it was unfair and unjust. It was such a in your face type of loyalty that took my breath away. This sense of loyalty grabbed me and it was there that I recognized how lucky I am once again. It was to the bone. So you Mel, thank you!

mish mash

An interesting day in the barnyard and that's an understatement.... so where to start. The emotions are high giving the passing of a full moon.

Men - well, I heard from Ted. He would like to get together again and I am hoping that we both just had a bad day on Friday! But I am not sure. My gut says no, my mind yes, be considerate!

And then there is Dave - geeky with a capital G. Not that Geeky is bad but the previous 3 before him, I think I am just going to be too much for him. I need someone who is equal in nature and can keep me just as entertained. It's just not happening.

In a discussion with Les today, she shared something her son has said to her..I wish for pray for Michele to find a nice man. This of course brought some serious tears to my eyes and stopped my heart. The words of an almost 9 year - I guess I have angels by my side.

Work - oh god, it is really difficult to do something nice for anyone anymore. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! I am confused to a degree and my heart hurts from the viciousness that surrounds some peoples thoughts. When someone wants something from me that is not related to the actual work environment remind me to say NO.
I need to remember that the company has no soul. None of our companies do. That is a fact.

Well, I am drained and headed to bed...

And Joanie says!

Joanie writes....I was hoping for much more excitement for the Friday night date....oh well, it sounds to me like NEXT....! ARNF....I am living vicariously through you these days so please step it up a notch (ha, ha)Love,me

hmmmmm.....

Well, Friday night was date night with Ted. He sort of reminds me of Anderson Cooper who I have a little crush on. I really don't have much to say, mainly because my head is blocked up and it hurts. But it was a nice date - he was kind and sweet, funny and entertaining. Dinner was fantastic! More later....

Date Night is approaching!

Tomorrow is my date with Ted! I am actually looking forward to this one. He has a way about him that makes me feel like home. I am not worried about being on my best behavior with him. I think I can just be myself. Good, bad, indifferent! This is a good thing, no, its a great thing! The big question is what shall I wear? My first intention isn't going to work since the work day has changed and I now have to wear a suit tomorrow! I will survive!

All and all, its been an interesting week. Lot's of new interests, tons of things to explore and just entertaining!